My Boyfriend Used To Be A Heroin Addict, And I'm Not Sure If He Still Is, How Do I Ask Him?

Well I have recently found myself in exactly the same position as yourself.  You can ask him in anyway you like, but I can pretty much guarantee the answer will be he isn't.

This is quite difficult to write, but at the same time quite therapeutic. My boyfriend has been a heroin addict for the past ten years.  The last time he did I, I did not have a clue.  This was a year into seeing him. ( ive been seeing him for nearly 2 years now)  Back last January.  He was taking it for a short while and didn't tell me.  Then when he decided to come off it and was dreadfully ill, he told me he was very poorly with a bug, so I helped him where I could to get better.  He only decided to tell me when I accused him of something else and he decided  to tell me what he had been doing.

I was upset but decided to give him another chance and move on with our relationship.  I have never been in contact with anyone that takes heroin and guess at this point I should have done my research.

After moving in with him for the past 2 months, I started to get suspicious about the things I was finding around the house.  Rolled up foil.  Foil missing from the roll in the kitchen in squares.  Foil hidden in the soil in plant pots.  He started to not eat, loose interest in everything, not washing, missing work, spend long periods of time in the bathroom,  nipping upstairs to his friends room to listen to the radio, just doing things out of my way that made no sense.

Whenever I questioned him about any of this, there was an answer for everything,  Snooping is my pet hate and being in this situation with him turned me into this paranoid wreck for the past 2 weeks.  But the more things I found the more I knew he had to be lying. You know when you get this gut instinct and you want to believe so much that your partner is telling truth, but you can't eat or sleep because you just know they are lying to you?  It was horrible.  It made me ill and eventually I caught him up with several lies in one go and he admitted it with no remorse or feeling or as if he actually gave a shit.

I left the next day and he went to his parents to get clean. 

This was Saturday just gone.  I am very confused right now as to how I feel.  For the first few days I was fully supportive, which don't get me wrong I still am, but I am really struggling with my emotions today after eventually doing my research for these past few days on the net and the statistics of the number of fully recovered heroin addicts tell a very sorry story.  Where do I get to the point where I decide enough is enough.  This has happened to me twice now in under a 2 year period.  I want my boyfriend and I do realise that this is a problem he is going to have for ever.  I didn't ,until this last week realise what a devastating effect this drug has, not only on the person taking it but also on their partners and family.  I haven't seen him yet, this week and I want to see him so bad.  I'm just very confused. I want to help him so very very much, but just don't know if I can ever be more supportive to him as his addiction is.

I guess I will email this to him now. 

Thanks for listening and hope I this ramble gives you a some insight.

I'm a recovering addict dating a heroin addict.  If you're wondering, then he is.  There's not a using addict alive that's going to truthfully answer the question "Are you using?" unless our backs are against the wall and there's absolutely no way out of it. I agree with Guest.  If you can, don't walk away. Run away.  The success rate for addicts that want to get clean because it's killing them and they want a better life - 10%.  The success rates for addicts that are doing it for their families and significant others - 0%.  In the process, we leave damage and devastation in our wakes.  And we're experts at finding people that will stand by our sides because of how wonderful we are when we're not using - and most of us are pretty charismatic.  So you give us money, a place to stay, rides, help us find jobs or keep jobs, etc, etc,  You throw us out; then you take us back.  You just don't understand why we're doing this to ourselves, yada yada yada.  It's a never-ending cycle that makes both people sicker and sicker and sicker.  Then kids come into the picture and now the cycle begins anew with the non-using person using the kids against us which adds to our guilt which makes us use even more when we relapse and almost 100% of us will relapse.  If you want to help him/her, direct them to an AA or NA meeting, tell them if they want to be with you, they have to get some REAL help, then find an ALANON OR NANON meeting to help yourself cause you're going to need it.

PS Dirty brown is slang for heroin.

Look at his pupils, if they are pinpoint or barely able to see them even in dim lighting, hes on heroin

Get out of this relationship . This is a battle you will never win. Get out now and move on with your life. We all have free choice in this life you cannot change a person or make choices for them. If they want to carry on with an addiction they have the right to do so. All addicts should live on their own. Don't take another person down with you and destroy their lives. Living with an addict is a diminished life in itself you wont do anything your partner sleeps or is out of his nut most of the time and has no enthusiasm for life. This is not your fight give it up .