I am a recovering heroin addict. I went from a curious 16 year old, intelligent artist, that wanted too find myself, to a lieing stealing, zombie. From the moment I put that poison in my arm, I was transformed. Smack became god, and I was just its servent, there is nothing I didn't do, from selling all my things, to stealing from dept. Stores, to striping, and eventually prostitution. To put junk in my veins. After a month it wasn't an inspiration for my art, I didn't care about painting anymore. I didn't care about my family anymore. The only time I came around was with my hand out, and a fresh batch of lies.
I met another junkie, and we decided to go to the methadone clinic, which is bs they tell you they can help you kick, by tapering you down. Instead they encourage you too take more. They always tell you you can't handle a decrease, that's always what they say. What happens is methadone is much stronger than heroin, it takes at least a month before you can even get out of bed without the methadone. A week for heroin.
The mental part of it is the worst by far. Your not only addicted to the drug, your addicted to cooking it up, to shooting it up.
The other addict and I got pregnant while on methadone, when I told them at the clinic, I needed to kick, that I was pregnant. They said, if I detoxed I would miscarry. So my little girl was born addicted to that poison, I had to watch her, be dope sick, as a newborn. I couldn't blame no one but myself. What kind of monster hurts a little baby,that bad, to boot.
My husband didn't get paid for a construction job, and at the clinic it was 10$ a piece a day, and they had no sympathy, they gave you a three day detox and that was it, you had to sign a release, that if you died, or were seriously injured due to the quick detox, you wouldn't sue, or your family. So he didn't get paid, we layed down too kick, the baby was asleep. When she woke me up, something told me to turn on the tv, I did and there was my husband, he had thrown down on a pharmacy, with a 30 ought 6. He took my car and all of our grocery money with him. I fed my little girl cookie crumbs for 3 days, I then had to ask my dad and stepmom, to take her for a while, I couldn't quickly get back on my feet. Little did I know I was pregnant again, this time homeless, I had no way to get medical treatment, none of my "friends" gave a care to get me too the doctor. In begged my family to take me in so I could get clean, for the child inside, and the one I already had. They wouldn't they took custody away. Looking back I don't blame them. He jumped bail, we moved to the state my girl was in, got a place. I completely quit, finally I was 6 months pregnant. He would shoot up in front of me and offer it to me. There was no food, eventually no power, no phone. The place was in the middle of no where. So if I went into labor I would have to do it by myself. Luckily I went in labor before he went to work, one morning. He was getting paid in dope. The cops finally found him, he was using my insurance, to pay for his fake scripts. I had to move me the new baby, and my little girl was already there, it was hell, all of those unresolved problems that were there even before the drugs, abuse and all had to be faced head on, I tried to kill myself with my little baby in my arms, by the way he was born with heart problems. Anyway they came home early and I came home after 3 days in ICU, then a week and a half in the mental hospital.
I was lucky I had had enough I wanted to make life right by my kids, I didn't want them raised in the same hell I was. I kicked. Let me tell you its hard, I have very little idea on how to cope. Drugs are still the first thing to come to mind. I say lucky because the only friend that's still alive is on dialysis. Boy, has it aged me, inside and out. I have contracted hepatitis c. I felt the need to bare my soul too you, on the off chance you want too start using.DON'T.
I was a sweet, pretty, unique girl, with defined morals, I chose junk and became a monster.
I met another junkie, and we decided to go to the methadone clinic, which is bs they tell you they can help you kick, by tapering you down. Instead they encourage you too take more. They always tell you you can't handle a decrease, that's always what they say. What happens is methadone is much stronger than heroin, it takes at least a month before you can even get out of bed without the methadone. A week for heroin.
The mental part of it is the worst by far. Your not only addicted to the drug, your addicted to cooking it up, to shooting it up.
The other addict and I got pregnant while on methadone, when I told them at the clinic, I needed to kick, that I was pregnant. They said, if I detoxed I would miscarry. So my little girl was born addicted to that poison, I had to watch her, be dope sick, as a newborn. I couldn't blame no one but myself. What kind of monster hurts a little baby,that bad, to boot.
My husband didn't get paid for a construction job, and at the clinic it was 10$ a piece a day, and they had no sympathy, they gave you a three day detox and that was it, you had to sign a release, that if you died, or were seriously injured due to the quick detox, you wouldn't sue, or your family. So he didn't get paid, we layed down too kick, the baby was asleep. When she woke me up, something told me to turn on the tv, I did and there was my husband, he had thrown down on a pharmacy, with a 30 ought 6. He took my car and all of our grocery money with him. I fed my little girl cookie crumbs for 3 days, I then had to ask my dad and stepmom, to take her for a while, I couldn't quickly get back on my feet. Little did I know I was pregnant again, this time homeless, I had no way to get medical treatment, none of my "friends" gave a care to get me too the doctor. In begged my family to take me in so I could get clean, for the child inside, and the one I already had. They wouldn't they took custody away. Looking back I don't blame them. He jumped bail, we moved to the state my girl was in, got a place. I completely quit, finally I was 6 months pregnant. He would shoot up in front of me and offer it to me. There was no food, eventually no power, no phone. The place was in the middle of no where. So if I went into labor I would have to do it by myself. Luckily I went in labor before he went to work, one morning. He was getting paid in dope. The cops finally found him, he was using my insurance, to pay for his fake scripts. I had to move me the new baby, and my little girl was already there, it was hell, all of those unresolved problems that were there even before the drugs, abuse and all had to be faced head on, I tried to kill myself with my little baby in my arms, by the way he was born with heart problems. Anyway they came home early and I came home after 3 days in ICU, then a week and a half in the mental hospital.
I was lucky I had had enough I wanted to make life right by my kids, I didn't want them raised in the same hell I was. I kicked. Let me tell you its hard, I have very little idea on how to cope. Drugs are still the first thing to come to mind. I say lucky because the only friend that's still alive is on dialysis. Boy, has it aged me, inside and out. I have contracted hepatitis c. I felt the need to bare my soul too you, on the off chance you want too start using.DON'T.
I was a sweet, pretty, unique girl, with defined morals, I chose junk and became a monster.
